In Pursuit of A BA
It’s official: I’m pursuing a Bachelor of Arts degree at Metro State University! Cue the confetti.
Truly, I’m a nervous wreck about it.
Thanks to the North Star Promise scholarship, which covers all tuition fees for students who make less than $80k a year, I can attend a state school for virtually nothing. I had sworn off college as a teen and never even took the SAT or ACT, knowing that I was committed to striking out on my own and pursuing automechanics instead. I left that career when I burned out at 25, determined to try pursuing a creative life instead.
Something changed in the past few years, as I started making art in earnest. I took a tattoo apprenticeship but left it quickly, knowing in my gut that something wasn’t right. I tried painting people’s pets full time, worked as a Rover and a Doordash driver, feeling out what it might be like to be self-employed. Generally, I hated it. I wasn’t good at it, and even though I gave myself a full six months to try it, I realized it wasn’t what I wanted.
What I do want took a long time to coalesce in my head. Should I paint full time? Should I pursue residencies, jobs in the art field? What spoke to me most? What felt right?
The way that I felt while running around at the Art Crawl is what spoke to me first. It’s an open studio event, full of new faces and a festive air, celebrating art and artists. I loved the energy, signed up to work shifts at the greeting table, putting together a display that made my heart sing. I enjoyed every minute of it. Then, I started inviting friends to the studio sometimes, just to craft together and hang out. I liked the way that that felt, too. The connection of it.
This past winter, I hosted my first crafting party, making cards for older adults in Minnesota who live in rural areas and might be more at risk of loneliness. There, I felt it for the first time, running around, helping my friends create awesome stuff: Do I want to be a teacher? It’s a marriage between the act of creating, which I love, and the connections between people. Plus, someday, when my fiance and I start a family, I’d love to be an effective teacher for them, too.
My life, up until my mid-twenties, was fluid. Unsteady. But now it’s solid. Like a rock.
I know that right now, I want to get a four-year degree not just because I want to teach. There are so many doors that only open for folks with degrees, especially in the art world. I also don’t ever want to proceed in my art career without opening myself up to critique, pursuing further education in the arts as much as I can, and exploring all mediums, even though painting is my favorite. There are necessary lessons in how to navigate client relationships, exhibition and preservation that I just can’t learn on my own. There are also connections that artists make in school that can’t be found elsewhere, whether it be peers or professors.
I’m nervous because I haven’t demonstrated any academic success before. I was a gifted and talented kid, but my teen years were rough due to losing a parent to suicide and a struggle with undiagnosed hyperlexia. I’m feeling a maelstrom of emotions: hope, nervousness, fear, excitement. What will the next four years look like? How can I make myself proud? How can I balance full-time work and full-time classes?
I guess that’s for tomorrow’s me to figure out. For today, I think I will celebrate, and trust that I have so many people in my life who have been through this process before who can help me make it through.
Class of 2029!
Signing off,
VJK
